Oh then I remember this one other time. I'm all at the Bronze relaxing minding my own business, when she comes on to me. Nobody ever believe me if I told them. She must have been drunk or something. No she wasn't drunk, just not like her usual self. She wasn't all stuck up, told me why I didn't like her. Then she got all close and personal. And the things she said... bout riding me at full gallop. My legs almost buckled at the thought, temptress she is when she's ready. Got me all hot and bothered, ruined my night, and all I could think about was getting the chip out and then having a good go at it with her. That would have been something. Guess we did have a go at it when my chip stopped working on her. Yeah then we really had a go at it. Good thing she's not shy. Never forget that building. That night. Don't think either of us knew bout the building falling down till the next morning. Made love to her most of the night you know. A night I'll never forget. Made sure she'd remember it too. Made her keep coming back to my crypt. Should have left it off after that first night. Then I wouldn't be here, missing her. She'd be there wanting me. No I'd be here wanting her as much. I took what she was willing to give. But I want more. It's never enough. Her always running off. Want her in my crypt. All times. Never get tired of her. She's got stamina like no one I know. Never been with such an animal. She's pure, carnal, and savage when she's ready. Like a lioness she is. I love her so much. She's got her soft moments too. Always pushes them away whenever I catch her at them. Then I'm always sayin' the wrong things. Don't mean to. But it happens sometimes.

I still remember how shocked I was when I found out, I loved her. It was right after I tried to get this sodding chip out of my nogging. All goes back to this stupid chip. I'm her whipped tamed little puppy now. She plays with me when she's ready. Gives me her affections when it pleases her, then she tells me to stay. Till she's ready to have another go. And I obey. I'm her bloody willin' slave. I do what she wants. I can't think straight when she's around. It's almost as bad as the dreams I use to have about her. I still remember the first one. I was there in my crypt all relaxing, then she comes in. She kicks in the door with her usual bravado. Then she's all like. "Spike you're a killer." Then she's all come to put me out of my misery.

Even in my dreams she bloody well stalks me. Like she thinks she's so big and bad. I remember that I'd finally had it up to here with her. Always coming to the crypt. Ruffing me up for information. In that first dream she comes through the door, she wearing this cute little tank top. The kind you just want to tear off as soon as you see it.

She walks over and she threatens me with her stake, and all this tough talk. Then I tell her I've had it with her. That shut her up. I remember seeing her go quite not knowing what to do. Never thinking the big bad would get fed up with her. Well I did. I showed her. Ripped my shirt off and told her to do it. I wanted to see if she had the balls to do it.

She's always threatening to, so I told her to just do it. She just stood there. Stake in hand looking all confused. And vulnerable and kissable. She always looks kissable. No matter what she's doing. You always want to just take her in your arms and snog her good and proper.

Those lips of hers. Even in my dreams they tasted sweet.

I took her full into my arms. And pulled her hard up against my chest. Like in one of those stupid sodding romance novels. She felt really good in my arms too. Soft and she molded so well to my body. She didn't put up any resistance when I kissed her. Dreams and all.

She kissed me back. Even then I knew she'd be able to return what I gave. Passion for passion. Even then I knew how it would be. I had her in my arms for a bit. Then she pulls away. Even my dreams knew she wouldn't be giving in without a fight.

So in my dream she pulls back and looks all shocked. She thinks she was shocked. I was the one dreaming all this stuff. Falling in love with the enemy. Wanting and desiring her. Grown hard at the very sight of her, in those cute little get up she's always wearing.

So in the dream she pulls back and she's looking all horrified. Like I just gave in and kissed the big bad, but then in my dream, after she looks all horrified. She comes back, she comes back into my arms and then we really start to make out.

We kiss. But we both want to be there kissing each other. Kinda like when we were under that spell. But this is hard and hungry. Her lips start to really devour mine, and I really start to devour her lips.

I pull her up really close this time, and we just make out. We're both lost in the moment. That's when it happens. That's when I lose it. And I go insane and do the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. And I've done a few stupid things. I tell her I love her. Even in my dreams I'm a traitor to myself. I tell her I love her.

I woke up in this horrible cold sweet. I couldn't believe what I had said. And I knew it then. I knew I wouldn't be able to take it back. Cause I knew it was true.

That was the beginning of the end for me. The start of all this misery, and need and hunger and heartache and passion and pleasure, and pain. Love is pain, but it's passion, it's pleasure, but it's torment don't I know it. Spent a hundred years with Dru. Love make's you crazy. But it's worth it. And even if it's not it has a mind and a will of it's own.

From then on I wasn't my own person you know. I belonged to her. I was all about her. Wanting to be close to her, to smell her shampoo washed hair. She has the best hair. It's soft and silky. Love the feel of it in my hands, and when she's on top of me. I love the way it bounces around.

Yeah from then I was done for. Should have just put a collar round my neck and handed it to her. I followed her around enough.

I'd stand outside her window. Just thinking about her. Smoking till I was blue in the face. Hoping to catch a glimpse of her through her window.

Love when it hits you it hits you hard. When it hits you, and you're loving the person you shouldn't be loving it's even more bitter sweet. Knew I didn't have a snowballs chance in hell. Or a vamps chance on a Sunndydale afternoon, but what did I care. I was in love.

Oh and the most annoying part through all this was her dating solider boy.

Goomer Pile had nothing on this one. He wasn't the long haul guy, he wasn't even the man of the moment. I don't know what she was doing with him. But it's another thing I put up with.

But I put up with it. I put up with it all. It was worth it. I didn't think I had a chance, but just being near her. Being able to see her.

Looks like my drinks finally settling in. The pains going away, but it's never gone away. Just numbed. And since I can't spend my undead life being drunk and numb. Guess I'm just going to have to find a way to survive. Survived without her for over a hundred years. So why have the last few hours felt like an eternity? I can't think straight the memories won't stop. All the things we did together. The time we spent together. Every moment is like this picture collague on my mind.