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Part I Posted by: Five by Five! - May 20, 2002, 8:52 AM 2 of 4 Willow: Hear me, keeper of darkness!!! Bring her back!!! Keeper of darkness: The number you have dialled is not in service. Please check the number and try your call again. *Beep* Anya: I can’t let you have dark powers, not with those books! Um... wait a minute... you’re going for the Book of Black Sabbath??? Willow: Warren used lead on my girlfriend. I’m going heavy metal. Warren: I need protection! Rack: I can’t guarantee anything, not this time. The girl is running on pure fury… David Fury: She got… the muss-tard… out! DeKnight: Fury, sod off! This is my episode. Buffy: My God, Willow, your hair! And your eyes! What happened? Have you been watching The Osbournes again? Xander: Look! She even has “WILL” tattooed on her knuckles! Willow: You think MTV’ll buy? Uh, I mean, now Warren’s gonna pay. Joss: CUT!!! Ozzy Osbourne: OK, let’s practice it again… Shah-RUHN! Shah-RUHN! Willow: Wah-RUHN! Wah-RUHN!!! Ozzy: More growl on the “RUHN”. Willow: Um… how do you suggest I kill him when I find him? Ozzy: Just bite his head off. It used to be a hit when I did that on stage. Willow: He’s a human, not a bat! Ozzy: Same diff. Spike: Bitch is gonna see a change. Xander (to Anya): Do you feel any change? Beggar (outside Magic Box): Spare any change? Joss: OK, this scene badly needs to change. Willow: Run all night, Warren… I’m still gonna… Warren: *WHACK* Willow: *plop* Warren: Hey look! First I made Willow weep, and now I’ve felled the weeping Willow! *chuckle* Willow: OK, not only is the axe not gonna cut it, you’re going lean meat for that joke. Meanwhile, in Tara’s dorm room… Anya: OK, she’s been here. Like, very recently. Xander: How do you know that? Anya: Well, look at that still-fresh painting-on-cloth signed “W. Rosenberg ‘02”. And notice the artist’s clever use of angry red. And the naïve landscape depiction. Buffy: Yeah. Trees pretty. Xander: And I wonder why there’s a big “X” in the middle of the forest? Willow: OK, could you stand in the middle of that big “X”? Warren: Right here? Why would you want me to stand right here? Willow: Eretite!!! *lash* *lash* *lash* Warren: AAAARGH!!! Willow: Look, all tied up and nowhere to go… Warren: You still haven’t told me why there’s this big “X” here. Willow: We’re having an audience for my big thrash debut. MTV is buying my show, whether they like it or not. Warren: You’re evil. Willow: Just call me the Iron Maiden. Warren: AAAAAAAHHH! Willow: The bullet hurts, doesn’t it? Warren: It’s stuck in my chest hairs!!! AAAHHH! Willow: Here, let me help… *pluck* *STRIP* Better? Warren: Um, well… the hair is gone, but could I have my skin back? Buffy: What did you do? Willow, what did you do? Fury: She gutted… the buss-ter… out! Buffy, Willow and Xander: *Groan* Willow (alone with paper and pen): OK, now for the epitaph… “Here lies Warren, from my skillet to your table”… Naah. Um, “Here lies Warren. Less fat, more fry.” Naah… Um, how about “Here lies Warren. His carrots were cooked long before he fried.” Nah, that’s lame… ==================================================== Here I guess I'll more later... Posted by: Stinger_ - May , 2002, 11:25 AM This whole year's been confusing I've done things I never would Some things I never should Finding comfort in the arms of someone who's not supposed to be good He's against everything I know And part of me knows I should just go But instead I return and everything gets slow I don't want this, these feelings I shouldn't feel But dispite everything he's done with only him I heal My everything is falling apart at death's door I kneel Now I question What I learned Could he be different than all the rest? Is there some traitor beneath his breast? I must reject these feelings lest The man that he could be That truth lies in his sympathy And he really does love this thing that's me... ====================================================== Spikes my Godless character Posted by: Fogey - May 10, 2002, 12:31 AM 2 of 23 Which version of events does the following BTVS site description fit better? "Later, after she's injured staking a Vamp, Buffy returns home to have a bath and relax. Spike appears, intent on convincing her of his love, but he goes about it in the worst way, losing control and trying to force himself on her. After a frantic struggle, Buffy fights him off, kicking him into the wall. It's over between them, and this time, for good." Choice 1 Spike is the poor put upon innocent who accidently almost raped Buffy and now is innocent of wrong doing because he is sorry? But will eventually convince Buffy she is the one who is wrong. or Choice 2 Spike has not been redeemed and his confusion is not a valid excuse to attempt the rape of Buffy no matter what their past history is? He has blown it with his misreading of her concern for him as a friend (who she was willing to have sex with when it was on the terms of they both wanted it.) ===================================================== Posted by: Five by Five! - May 06, 2002, 9:30 AM 4 of 6 Entropy – The Parody Buffy: Did you steal from that store? Dawn: Um, yeah. A toothbrush and some earrings. Buffy: Damn. OK, did you steal from that store? Dawn: Yeah… a necklace, a belt and a pair of leather boots. Buffy: Damn! OK… I’ll bet you didn’t steal from that store! Dawn: Um, actually yeah, I did… Buffy: But it’s a hardware store! What’d you steal? Dawn: A safe. Anya: Hi! I’m doing a survey for D’Hoffryn and Associates. Do you think Xander Harris is a) a jerk, b) confused, c) a jerk, d) not viril or e) none of the above? Dawn: Um… Anya: … do you think Xander deserves to a) have his penis explode, b) have his intestines tied in a big knot, c) have his beady eyes turn to jell-o, or d) none of the above? Willow: What are we supposed to do again? Anya: You’re supposed to make a wish. Willow: Um…which wish do you want me to wish? Anya: I want you to choose which wish you want to wish from the wish list, witch! Tara: You guys figure this out. I’m going to make myself a sandwich. Anya: So why do you figure guys like Xander like watching some girls one on one so much? Tara: Mmm, this sandwich is soooo tasty… *wink wink* Willow: Yeah, it looks reaaally delicious… *wink wink* Anya: What? Stay on topic! Tara: We are on topic. Although I prefer to be on top, period… *chuckle* Anya: OK, let’s start from the top. Do you wish that Xander a) have his penis explode, b) have his intestines tied in a big knot, c) have his beady eyes turn to jell-o, or d) none of the above? Faith: Hmmm… I’ll have to go with d). Anya: Could you elaborate? Faith: Yeah, how about having him behind bars with me and handcuffed? *wink wink* Anya: What!? You wish!!! Buffy: Hey, who put that ugly gnome there? And hey, who put that spy camera there??? Xander: I think it’s a Spike camera, not a spy camera. Buffy: Wha… how do you know that? Xander: Oh, I don’t know… maybe the sticker that says “If found, please return to Restfield cemetery”? Willow: Hang on… I’m getting some feed from the camera network… Oh my god, Buffy, it’s my class on campus! And… my room??? Buffy: Gee, Spike has some strange tastes… Willow: How do you know it’s Spike? Buffy: Well, look at the sticker. Willow: Wha… that’s Xander’s handwriting!!! Xander: *gulp* Well hey, I just improved on the nerds’ network, I didn’t invent it! Willow: So you could spy on me and Tara!? Xander: Uh… OK, who wants to go for sandwiches? Willow: *WHACK* Anya: What, we’re gonna do it on the table??? Spike: Why not? Now that you’ve shelved Xander… *teehee* Xander (via video feed): Spike, when I get there, I’m gonna deck you. Spike: Knock on wood, whelp. Dawn: So that was the big secret you were protecting me from? You and Spike? Buffy: Yeah, well… Dawn: You should’ve told me. Buffy: Why? What would you’ve done? Dawn: Well, for one thing, installed extra camera feeds for your room and his crypt. Spike: Oh look, all that wooden talk worked, the whelp brought an axe… Xander: Yup, and I’m about to fell your tree. Willow: Tara! Tara: Y’know, it’s not that easy, and we need to take some time and get to know each other again, and is this show still PG-13? Willow: Here, let me throw my sweater on the camera. *flop* Dawn: Awwwww!!! Grrr… arrgh. ======================================================= relax, i'm not gonna stake myself... Posted by: outforawalkBITCH - Apr 29, 2002, 8:32 AM i wrote this for spike. it goes to Pink's 'don't let me get me'. never suck humans i don't support the gang don't like the scoobies and that slayer's sure got game. buffy slept with me, xander hated me, i am always in a fight cause they can't do nothing right every day i fight a war against the mirror don't even have a bloody reflection CHORUS: i'm a hazard to myself don't let me stake me i'm my own worst enemy it sucks when i annoy myself so frusterating don't want this freaking chip no more, i wanna be a normal vamp buffy told me i'm just a bunny all i'm aloud to suck is demons and bloody vamps tired of being compared to damn angelus he's so creepy that just ain't me so slayer slayer won't you please just give me something a night in my crypt with no one else, cause CHORUS ======================================================= Kudos to charmingslayer who gave me the idea Posted by: goolecap - Apr 27, 2002, 7:25 PM To the tune of 'The Beverley Hillbillies' "Now listen to my story about a girl called Buff, A real blond cutie, a lovely bit of stuff, And then one day in her world without a care, Came a creepy guy called Merrick, saying to "Beware!" Vamps that is , demons, nosferatu Well next thing you know Buffys burning down the gym, In order to destroy all the vampires there within, The townsfolk said "Sunnydales the place for you!" So they packed up the jeep and they moved from Malibu But wouldn't you know there's a watcher waiting for her, Plus Xander the geek and Willow the wallflower, Angel's in the shadows and Cordy rules the school, And soon she's killing vampires in ways so very cool! So tune in any every week for our heroines adventures, Which please all the kids but horrify the censors! With wit and charm and roundhouse kicks And get a heaping helping of your Buffster fix! Y'all come back now, ya'hear! Post archieves

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Last weeks results.

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Can the Scoobies be forgiven? Buffy5% yes Willow1% No 74% Yes Spike 8% yes Anya 2% yes Xander5% yes Who's your favorite Slayer of all time? The First Slayer (Restless)=4% Boxer Rebellion Slayer -China=0% Nikki -New York Subway Slayer=29% Buffy=27% Kendra=6% Faith=31% ======================================================= Who's the best friend on BTVS? Willow=25% Clem=50% Dawn=0% Spike=12% Buffy=0% Jonathan=0% Giles=0% Anya=0% Xander=0% Tara=12% Who's the most trustworthy? Willow=0% Tara=55% Dawn=0% Buffy=0% Spike=33% Clem=0% Giles=11% Anya=0% Xander=0% ---------------------------------------------------- Buffy=2% Willow=16% Tara=8% Dawn=0% Anya=10% Amy=0%Giles=4% Spike=55% Xander=4% Riley=0% 1.spike definetly is is so sexy. 2.Anya has always been super hot to me. I justlike that southern california look, I guess. She is without dioubt even more striking now as she is in pain, obviously, and it maybe makes her look vulnerable, I guess. i don't know. I jsut like her. 3.Spikey rocks - always!! even though he has undergone immense puppification :P but still, love the brit undead guy 4.Definitely spike. Spike rules. :) 5.definitely Spike, but I think I like evil-billy-idol-slayer-killing SPike better ====================================================== The Master=0% Spike and Dru=14% Angelus 5=23% The Mayor=23% Faith=14% Adam=0% Glory=19% Dancing Demon=4%The Judge=0% ------------------------------------------------------ Who is the funniest character on BTVS? Spike=13% Anya=42% Clem=0% Willow=28% Tara=0% Buffy=0% Dawn=0%The Troika=2% Giles=7% Xander=5% 1.Anya, too funny, what more can i say???? 2.I miss Giles, that man was hysterical 3.anyanka is pretty funny,even i do not know why --------------------------------------------------- In the very last episode who do you think the big Scoobie death will be? Spike=(27%)Tara=(9%)Anya=(45%)Willow=(18%)Buffy=(0%) Xander=(0%)Dawn=(0%)None of the above.=(0%) No comments were made. ----------------------------------------------- Who are your favorite couples, Then and Now? Buffy & Spike=59% Willow & Tara= 9% Xander & Anya=1% Giles & Joyce=1% Xander & Cordelia=0% Buffy & Angel=9% Willow & OZ=1% Spike & Dru=7% Clem & Shopie=0% Comments 1. Spike and Buffy forever! They are perfect for each other! Angel? Angel Who? :) 2. Amber and Alyson Rock --------------------------------------------- Could Buffy be Pregnant? Yes=50% NO=16% Maybe=33% 1. Have to wait and see. --------------------------------------------------- How are you finding season 6 so far? Love it=50 Hate it=0 Waiting to see=33 I like it=16 I don't like it.=0 1.It's just like Joss to take something like growing up and 'coming of age' and twist it into a reality much more painful and difficult then our own realities. I love that Joss can really get to the heart of things without the same old 7th Heaven crap we've been dealt for decades on TV. Life is NOT like that for the majority. It's difficult, heart wrenching and sometimes hilarious, but we live it and watching the characters on BtVS going through it, really makes you feel like, "I'm not the only one going through that or who went through that." It also helps those who feel there is no out, realize there is. If Buffy can handle her hell world, then maybe I can make it through mine. Yes, it's been depressing, but it's also very neccessary to ALL the characters development. I Love Joss' twisted mind and all the creative writers on the show! For those who want Peaches and Cream, there's always 7th Heaven. - Seeker2 2.I have enjoyed some of the eps this season if taken by themselves. However, I feel that when you put all the eps together it is just too much depression and the same "get over it Buffy" theme over and over. But, I'm gonna try and have faith and wait until the end of the season to see if everything is brought together. 3.BTVS is a great show. But it's been up and down all season. So I am waiting till the end to see if they can iron everything out, and pull off a great season like other years. -------------------------------------------- yes=18. No=27. Yes it's possible=45. No it's impossible=0. I just don't know=9. Is Spike different somehow. 1. I agree, there are definitely things going on with Spike psychologically and Buffy's whole being brought back from the dead thing, but I honestly believe him being able to hit her is a combination of two things - as much as he acts all big, he doesn't want to actually hurt her, which will inhibit the chip from going off and also I DO believe the chip doesn't recognize Buffy's molecular signature. Technology is very sensitive. If one little thing is off, it screws with the program. Spike is still a vampire and drinking pigs blood versus human may be taming him, but I think everything going on with him is definitely psychological. He's going through a lot of emotional stress in unfamiliar territory (in love w/ a human). That alone can really be screwing with his game and him. That's my thought anyway. 2. I think there have been subtitle changes happening to him all season, and at the end of the season it will all be revealed. ---------------------------------------------------- Yes=83%. No=0%. Undecided=16%. Will Spike and Buffy get back together? 1. Buffy needs to get over her hang ups about Spike. They have amazing chemistry. The way he looks at her, you can tell he really cares deeply for her. She confides in him all the time, doesn't that mean something. Willow is suppose to be her best friend, and she doesn't have a clue to what is going on. 2.Yes, I believe they will realize it's OK for them to be together and they will be stronger for it, not weaker as some may think. They are a great fighting team, always watching each other's back. They make each other laugh and understand each other in times when no one else can or will. He can save her and she can save him. They are each others true salvation to their true selves. Corny, maybe, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it! :) 3.Yes, they *will* reunite! They'll be better, stonger, a *real* couple. Buffy will one day utter the words that her bot previously spoke..."You excite me... I try so hard to resist you and I can't. Darn your sinister attraction." *g* Seriously though, Spuffy will overcome all obstacles. They're too perfect for each other! 4.I think they love each other. And they will work this out. They are meant to be together, and the time apart will do them good. Then they will get back together.

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